What I was feeling:

• negativity
• loneliness
• fear
• loss of self-esteem
• loss of faith in what I had been taught or valued
• undervalued
• controlled by external factors
• loss of strength to fight back - gave up
• brain closing down

What I was doing:

• staying in bed
• not eating sensibly
• no longer caring for myself
• not able to cry or express my emotions - feeling numb inside

Some of the causes:

• rejection
• social exclusion
• discrimination
• isolation
• harassment
• bullying
• feeling unsupported
• environmental factors
• bereavement

Some of the effects:

• loss of ability to communicate
• loss of confidence
• loss of interest in things generally
• loss of self-worth
• loss of short-term memory
• loss of zest for life
• unable to concentrate as before
• unable to remain focused for long periods

What helped me during my recovery:

• my GP listening and being non-judgemental
• my GP networking with other professionals to aid my recovery
• attending counselling
• receiving support and encouragement from those who know about depression
• becoming involved with mental health issues as a service user / carer
• putting forward suggestions at meetings
• attending other meetings eg. Wirral Mental Health Forum
• attending courses
• WRAP training

The road to recovery

I feel it is important to explain that experiencing depression is an illness caused by many factors. It is up to me as an individual to object to those who stigmatise depression as something only affecting certain people in society. This is nonsense. For example you can suffer physical injury if run down by a car. Everybody then rallies around helping you recover from the accident. However, the accident might have caused you to leave work, which then creates anxiety as you wonder how you will manage financially. The anxiety could lead to depression depending on the depth of worry and everything else associated with your particular lifestyle.

On the other hand some people develop depression over a period of time due to many factors. Depression is not a rash that shows for a few days and then disappears. It affects your ability to think positively and negative thinking becomes a way of life that can be difficult to free yourself from. There is no instant fix to this situation. It is only when a light inside your mind switches on and starts questioning what it is happening to cause these feelings of doubt, anxiety, fear and so forth that you realise you are now experiencing the first signs of recovery.

Your brain also switches to positive thinking when you realise that there are people supporting you, encouraging you and willing you to get better. It is like two ways of thinking going on inside your head: one thought willing me one way (going back to bed) and another thought willing me another way (go out to the shops). This for me was a sure sign of recovery. Some days I would go back to bed and other days I would go out.

My reason for sharing my own experience with you is to demonstrate how I as an individual have gained an awareness of how I have been managing my day-to-day lifestyle with those things that had caused me to withdraw and shut down from my normal day-to-day living. Thankfully I now feel better able to support others who might need it.

One major thing I value is the realisation that the mental health professionals, service users and carers are aiding each other to improve service provision and end social stigma attached to mental unwellness - this is how it should be - community based. We can each of us play an active part in improving everybody's quality of life within our own communities.

Cheshire and Wirral Partnership NHS Foundation Trust

European Social Fund - Pathways to Employment, for people with Mental Health and Drug and Alcohol problems.

Service User / Carer Development Worker

I am delighted to let everybody know that I have been successful in my application for one of the 4 positions as a Service User / Carer Development Worker. As someone who has experienced mental health problems myself, I am really excited about this opportunity to help people in their journey to recovery.

The positions are full time until July 2008. As a Development Worker, my role will involve the delivery of training and becoming a mentor to increase the employment aspirations of people experiencing mental health and / or drug and alcohol issues in specified areas across Wirral. The role involves supporting targeted service users to develop their skills, confidence and capabilities to improve employment prospects and/or facilitate pathways into further employment related training.

I am very pleased to have been given the opportunity to become involved with this exciting new initiative across the Wirral and hope my input aids others during their journey towards recovery. The pathways to this employment project will involve a stepped care approach for individuals. Full support will be ongoing for everybody.

My road to recovery has been slow but steady. I attended counseling at St. Catherine's Hospital and found this experience to be very helpful. I will admit that, at first I was terrified, and it took a great deal of courage for me to leave home and travel to the hospital.

Some of you might wonder why this was. Fear? Yes! Anxiety? Yes! Stigma? Definitely yes! In my experience, it has been the ongoing encouragement and support of the unsung heroes: those professionals and other service users whom I have met who have helped me to regain my self-worth and confidence.

As the saying goes "No man is an island". And, how true that statement is.