I'm a 42 year old son of a Liverpudlian family, I began my recovery 22 years ago when I was diagnosed with manic depression. I didn't know the direction I was heading initially but I now know the help I can give others regarding their own recovery and I know where I am going! I now understand how crucial a structured recovery is and since I have been using my WRAP my life has gone from chaos to order in 12 months - something I have been trying to do for 22 years.

I am going to base the account of how I recovered well-being on the 5 principles underpinning recovery.

• Hope
• Personal Responsibility and Self Management
• Education
• Self Advocacy
• Support
• Hope

Initially there was none. A direct quote from my consultant was:

"You will never work again... bi-polar disorder is cyclical, there could be recovery, though insignificant, because of inevitable relapse."

Told There Was No Hope

For ten years I did not consider beginning any relationships with women. I was told there was no hope of real and lasting recovery - I didn't want to subject anyone else to the horrors of the illness I was suffering at that relatively early stage.

In Wellness Recovery Action Planning training, we liken this experience to the metaphor of being blindfolded, gagged and bound in the closed boot of a car. I didn't know what was happening, I was very frightened, I couldn't see where I was going - I had no control of where, how quickly, how long the journey. That's how I felt from day one. In other words 'abandon hope, all who enter here'.

There are some real negatives to having a bi-polar disorder. Unless you / your family are substantially wealthy, bi-polar disorder ruins you financially. I have been in debt to tens of thousands of pounds over the 21 years but I have never been declared bankrupt - even though I have been on benefits for most of the time, I have paid it back. When manic or even hypomanic, its very easy to talk even the most experienced financial advisor to give you a large loan, several credit cards etc. - believe me I did it!

Bi-polar Disorder

Another negative affecting bi polar disorder [and all mental health conditions] is stigma. Anyone with mental health issues - serious or not - is affected greatly by this, usually everyday since their condition began. Stigma is usually caused by the ignorance of the general public. When they encounter a person with a mental health problem they've already made a decision regarding, for example, how unfit that person is to be 'at large' in the community. They often regard that person to be dangerous or, at the very least, completely irresponsible and that the community is at risk of some kind of harm because of their condition. This is entirely due to complete ignorance and people make a judgement without being in possession of the facts. I personally think that no one should judge anyone in any circumstance unless they are perfect themselves - and no one is!

The Turning Point

The turning point for me came about 3 years ago with a change of psychiatrist who actually asked me what I wanted from life and listened to me. A fantastic occupational therapist began visiting me. It took her 6 months to restore my confidence and self esteem, which were zero. At this point, I couldn't leave my parents' house, not even to go into the garden. I had stayed mainly in my bedroom for approximately 12 months. With her help I was able to start going out again and this culminated in me getting a flat of my own.

The more I achieved, the more I was able to achieve and the more I began to feel confidence and hope for the future.  For me, hope was the key to my recovery.

Personal Responsibility and Self Management

Over the years I have been told many times that whatever I did to keep myself out of hospital, because bi-polar disorder is cyclical there was actually nothing I could do to avoid relapse leading to re-admission.

Due to what I have learnt recently I now know that a full blown relapse is avoidable.

In the past few months I have been through ending a relationship, beginning another, getting to grips with living independently, starting to work again (albeit voluntarily at the moment), two operations on my knees and the loss of my closest friend of 30 years to cancer.

In the past any one of these stressors would likely have caused a relapse resulting in hospitalisation, but now I can recognise the early warning signs that I am becoming ill. It is then that I use the tools from my Wellness Toolbox. Having a Wellness Recovery Action Plan is crucial to keeping my self well and able to work. Working is something that I have wanted to achieve for all these 20 years and now I am achieving it I have a reason to stay well as well as the tools to make sure I do.

Lack of sleep is an early warning sign for me. It is the one thing that exacerbates my illness the most, especially in hypomania. Sleep deprivation studies have shown that if you deprive anyone of sleep they begin to experience psychotic symptoms such as auditory and visual hallucinations so how much more is it going to affect me who is vulnerable to these type of symptoms anyway!

The difference now is it's crucial to recognise the early signs of my illness because I have too much to lose by relapsing. I have 2 jobs - I am a Recovery and WRAP Trainer, I sit on the NHS Acute Services Forum and am a consultant for a disability consultancy service that educates the general public - starting ideally at secondary school level - about mental health issues to stop prejudice and ignorance really before it begins. Learning to manage my illness and recognise when I might need some help is crucial to building my future.

Education

My education regarding bi-polar disorder began with my uncle Jim. He was a senior consultant radiologist. He could access any information I needed form any NHS source or from the university with which he originally studied. Pointing people in the direction of information about their condition is really important, I certainly found it helpful as when you know what is happening there is less to fear. But, and it is a big but, a lot of the information doesn't give you much hope! It wasn't until I started to find out about wellness recovery that I really realised that there are things I can do to help myself and things that I can do to regain wellness.

A wonderful occupational therapist taught me square breathing, physical relaxation (tensing and relaxing different muscle groups) and mental relaxation like walking in the countryside on a lovely sunny day. This is a coping strategy that has helped me to deal with the anxiety that I get when I am starting to feel unwell.

Auditory Hallucinations

And another great occupational therapist - yes there are many professionals who do help lots! - taught me approximately a dozen methods of combating my auditory hallucinations.

I must mention at this point that I am a trombone player of 30 years now. If I don't employ any of the techniques that I learned, the only times I don't have the hallucinations are when I'm sleeping or when I am playing my trombone. When stress increases they become louder - at times they are screaming at me - but I have learnt to cope with them and can feel well despite them. Also, to go back to sleep deprivation - the voices can become hell as my sleep becomes less but with education I now understand what is happening and can tell myself that it's not surprising that I'm feeling this way after only sleeping 4 hours in the last 60!

Self Advocacy

I have been constantly given the message that healthcare professionals are the experts and the only people who know about my illness.

When I asked one consultant could he explain my condition to me and how the various medications I was prescribed worked, he told me he didn't think I was of the intelligence to understand what he would be explaining to me! My first job was working at Unilever Research doing research chemistry - including biochemistry and organic chemistry!! So I think I would have understood!

Expert by Experience

How things can change! I am now referred to as an "expert by experience" - my opinion is sought because of my 22 years experience of the healthcare system. My relationship with my consultant psychiatrist, Community Psychiatric Nurse, Occupational Therapist and Social Worker, is more of a partnership than a professional expert versus patient one. I am listened to more and this has empowered me. People now recognise my expertise regarding my experience of bi-polar disorder - my experience is my own and I am the expert on my own journey!

Support

In the first stages of bi-polar disorder you lose many if not all of your friends - it's easier for them that way.

I'm lucky! During the 21 years of my illness I couldn't have been more supported by my family who have been, and continue top be, excellent in that respect.

I am now beginning to rebuild my network of friends. Mary Ellen Copeland (who has a bi-polar disorder and who conceived the concept of the Wellness Recovery Action Planning) advocates a network of at least five people, at least one of whom should be able to offer support at any one time. It's important to be able to talk to someone if you need to but also to share a laugh, go to the gym or just hang out.

I have told all the people close to me about my WRAP and often ring or text my supporters to run things by them, check things out or find solutions. Two heads are better than one and I have found it particularly helpful to be able to check out if the way I am feeling is a 'normal' reaction under the circumstances or a symptom of my illness.

Having Supporters Who Understand

For me having supporters who understand both me and my WRAP has been a big factor in my recovery.

Finally, 22 years ago when I was transferred from the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit to a general ward and was able to think clearly enough I decided that every time my condition "knocked me down" I would get up again as quickly as I possibly could. With my WRAP in place there is real HOPE that I can avoid relapse [as I have done already] and that I will become permanently employed on a full time basis. And, as I said at the beginning, HOPE is the key to recovery.